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Dating

Abstinence dating can be challenging for anyone who hopes to wait for sex until they have found the person they choose to marry. It's best to approach dating with a clear and healthy plan for remaining abstinent while still enjoying intimacy with the people you meet.

Instructions

  1. Be open and honest about your beliefs with the person you're dating. Tell the person upfront that you believe in abstinence dating and do not plan to have sex before marriage. Doing so will allow you to understand the person's own beliefs and decide if he/she is a good match for you. If the match isn't right, you may be able to pursue a friendship instead of a romantic relationship.
  2. Make a commitment to remain abstinent with the person you're dating. If he/she shares and respects your goal to practice abstinence dating, it will be easier to remain true to these beliefs. Outlining the specific details of this commitment will help you both understand the level of commitment you are making.
  3. Plan dates that allow you to enjoy time together in public. Sexual temptations will be much more difficult to resist if the two of you spend time completely alone at home, so it's best to find activities that allow you to be around other people. Restaurants, malls and parks are good places to enjoy non-sexual conversation and entertainment while getting to know each other better.
  4. Allow yourself time to get to know each other without the pressures of sexual activity. Taking the emphasis off your bodies and physical desires will give you the opportunity to get to know each other by talking about yourselves, sharing your personal thoughts and beliefs and telling stories about your past experiences. This type of sharing will only deepen the emotional attachment between the two of you, while being free of the inner turmoil and confusion that sex can often bring to a situation.
  5. Introduce each other to respective families, as family-friendly activities will discourage sexual activity. If you do plan to get married to this person, it will be important to allow your family to get to know him/her and to be sure that you all get along. Your family is likely to know you well.
  6. Find books you both enjoy reading is a great activity for couples, as it allows for solitary entertainment while still enjoying each other's company. You can also take turns reading the same books so you can share your opinions and thoughts about each one.

Tips & Warnings

If potential partners care deeply about you and respect your values, they won't attempt to pressure you to compromise your beliefs about abstinence dating.

Suggestions for Dates

  • go for a hike
  • go to the mall and see how many items you can buy for $5.00
  • plan a progressive dinner with friends
  • go to a sporting event
  • attend a community theatre
  • rent a canoe or paddle boat
  • go shopping and cook a meal together
  • paint with your feet
  • explore a museum
  • train for a triathalon
  • try a new sport
  • go to the zoo
  • do a service project for someone

Resources for Youth

Books:
  • The Dirt on Sex - Justin Lookadoo
  • The Dirt on Breaking Up - Justin Lookadoo
  • Technical Virgin - Haley DiMarco
  • Sexy Girls - Haley DiMarco
  • Every Young Man's Battle - Stephen Arteburn and Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey
  • Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It's Not Bad to Be Good - Wendy Shalit
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